Broken Places And Pieces
If you've never had to start over, pick up the pieces of your life and heart then you won't understand this post... If you've never been in that quiet season where God strips you of everything you won't understand. I'm in a season that's so hard to even describe right now! I left my job back in December for new opportunities and to finish the book God placed on my heart to write. I started a new job a few weeks ago, nothing extreme or major, very basic and it was with sales and retail. I've never done a retail job, in highschool I cleaned a bank after school through a janitorial service so I wasn't the "mall girl."
I'm a fast learner in most cases, I catch on quickly but I'm time challenged and though I've learned how to master it when making it places on time I had no control of it when test taking. The tests and excersises were timed and I failed numerous times so after a week they said it wasn't going to work out. I felt that old familiar sting of rejection rise up and I let my emotions take hold. The job was from home so my headset was on when I got the call and I asked,"Are you firing me?" She said," We just don't feel like this is for you." I repeated my question and said," So you're firing me?" She continued talking and I tuned her out, said thank you and hung up. In rage I threw my headset, my keyboard and let tears fall. My roommate prayed with me but I still was angry for a good two days.
Growing up I was a very angry child for many years due to divorce so in the past I struggled with my anger. Over the past couple years I've learned how to manage it and I got a pretty good handle on it until that incident. My head hurt for days, blood pressure up until I dropped everything and told God I was sorry for not trusting him . I had let my emotions lead me to a place I had promised not to visit anymore. So it's been a week today since the incident and I can't say that I'm just overjoyed or enthusiastic but I'm calmer. I understand that it is key that I spend time with God in this season and I don't know how long it'll last. I planned a trip in June that's half way paid for and that's been on my mind because I refuse to miss it. I need it for sanity purposes but I'm not to worry about finances and the things of this world because my Heavenly Father takes care of me.
I'm literally starting my life over, a new chapter and it's like the page is blank from my perspective, I don't hold the pen because God does. Trying to figure out my life stresses me so I have to stop all together and rely on God. He promised he'd never leave or forsake me! Deuteronomy 31:6 NLT
"So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."
I have to trust him at his word, I have to walk out this faith that I constantly say that I have and put it into action. God says do you really think I had you write a book, publish it and share it with the world for you to fall apart? He wants my broken pieces, he wants my broken places and he wants to mend the places where the pieces have shattered. I've been very good at putting up a front, acting like everything's alright and like I have it all together. Truth is that I don't, my strength is at about 2 therefore I must tap into God's. In my weakness he's so strong, in my confusion he's so steady and consistent. Give up the goat and give him your broken pieces, your glue isn't strong enough so stop. With tears in my eyes I have to stand even when my heart is breaking and look to the one who sees and knows everything. He has my best interest at heart and what's for me is TOTALLY for me.- Cdj❤️